I am aware this blog is mainly for my art, but since it is my blog, I can share wherever I choose. Here is a short story I wrote for a health course I am taking. It is slightly informative on flu shots, I found this hilarious and I hope you do too. (For blog viewers who are caught unaries, Taobao is basically Chines Amazon)
Bob walked out of
his mushroom house at 8 in the morning on Sunday to get the morning
paper. The headline read, “Contagious flu spreads rapidly!” He
dropped the paper on the dining table and ran all the way to the
doctor’s office in his bathrobe.
“Doctor! Doctor!
I’m worried I will get the flu!” blurted Bob.
“Ah! You have
come to the right place. I have a solution. Simply stand on a stool
at noon and lick a lime.”
At noon that day
Bob stood on a stool outside his house and licked a lime. He stood
outside because the ceiling of his mushroom house was much too low.
The next morning, Bob walked out of his mushroom house to pick up the
morning paper. The headline read, “Lime lickers fall ill!”
Bob was shocked and
ran all the way to the doctor’s office in his bathrobe.
“Doctor! Doctor!
I’m worried I will get the flu!” blurted Bob.
“Ah! You have
come to the right place. I have a solution. Buy a raccoon and spray
paint a red star on it.”
“Why would a
raccoon help prevent the flu?” asked Bob.
“Oh wait... That
is my cure for SARS. But you have come to the right place. I
have a solution. You must sit on a stool and play the accordion. It
will be even more effective if you can play a Turkish cancan.”
That day at noon
Bob sat on a stool and played a Turkish cancan on his accordion. His
Turkish neighbor started dancing inside his own mushroom house, but
stopped after he broke down his dining room wall with a quick step.
The next morning,
Bob walked out of his mushroom house to pick up the morning paper.
The headline read, “Accordion virtuosos take extended sick days!”
Bob was shocked and
ran all the way to the doctor’s office in his bathrobe.
“Doctor! Doctor!
I’m worried I will get the flu!” blurted Bob.
“Ah! You have
come to the right place. I have a solution. Sit cross-legged on the
ground holding a stool above your head and hum the Yugoslavian
national anthem backwards.”
That day at noon
Bob sat cross-legged on the ground holding a stool above his head and
hummed the Yugoslavian national anthem backwards. The next morning,
Bob walked out of his mushroom house to pick up the morning paper.
The headline read, “Influenza spreads throughout backwards
Yugoslavian national anthem hummers!”
Bob was shocked
and ran toward the doctor’s office in his bathrobe. In his hurry,
he stumbled over a small mushroom and collided with Jim. Jim got up
as quickly as he could.
“I’m sorry. Are
you alright?” asked Bob.
“Certainly! But I
must get back to my mushroom as soon as possible,” said Jim.
“Why is that?”
“Why, today is
November 11th. Everything is half price on Taobao today!”
“I won’t hold
you up any longer. I hope you get a good bargain,” said Bob as Jim
hurried off.
Then Bob,
forgetting the flu, hurried back to his own mushroom and began
searching Taobao. He typed, “emerald-inset waffle makers”, but it
auto corrected to “flu shots”. He pressed enter just as he
realized the change. He was just about to retype “emerald-inset
waffle makers” when he glanced at his search results. “Effective
preventative for this year’s flu”.
“Aha,” said Bob
to himself. This is just what he needed. He glanced at the price. “88
for the price of 1!” How very auspicious! Bob ordered one set of 88
flu shots to be delivered the next day.
The next morning,
Bob walked out of his mushroom house to pick up the morning paper.
Outside his house was also a box of 88 flu shots, but they had not
been very well packed. So there were 88 needles sticking out of one
side. He decided they must have gotten very dirty in the shipping
process, so he took them to the post office and sent them back.
The next morning,
Bob walked out of his mushroom house to pick up the morning paper.
Next to the morning paper was a box of 88 flu shots. This time the
Taobao seller had packed his box much better and there were no
needles poking out. He took out one of the flu shots when he was back
in his mushroom house and carefully followed all the instructions.
The flu shot only prevented the majority of flu viruses, but Bob felt
much safer. He was reaching for the morning paper when the doctor ran
into his house saying, “Bob! Bob! I’m afraid I will get the flu!”
Bob looked at the
morning paper. The headline read, “Arabian pastoral landscape
painters come down with the flu”. Bob looked at the doctor. He was
holding an Arabian paintbrush.
“Ah! You have
come to the right place. I have a solution,” said Bob. Then Bob
gave the doctor a flu shot.
“This shot only
has three dead viruses in it, but those three are specifically chosen
to treat most of this year’s flu threat. Also, it will take about
two weeks for you to form a substantial immunity,” Bob explained.
Even though he could still get the flu, the doctor felt much safer.
Just then Bob’s
Turkish neighbor walked through the hole in his dining room over to
Bob’s house. “Help! Help! I’m afraid I will get the flu,”
said Bob’s Turkish neighbor.
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